the last few months, etc.
It’s February 14 and I don’t want to make my bed for once. Is that romantic? I put on the news for the first time in four days but didn’t really watch it. I’m going to wear red lipstick today even though my teeth aren’t really that white.
Oh how I loved living across from the nail spa neon lights with ‘facial’ in red and ‘waxing’ in yellow, the (former?) fitness gym with abandoned faded letters and a winery tasting room with questionable hours and a name that doesn't roll off the tongue. The smell of the trendy chinese place in the winter with maitais on tap. Sam at the corner store tells me "Zho-dee, you must own your own business," as I grab a sparkling water and absent mindlessly peruse the aisles for the thousandth time. He comments I will feel so much different when I'm my own boss. I agree. I ask if he's seen my neighbor and smiles and says "they are no good" "they ask to smoke sheesha with me and I laughed and said no way" he says.
Can’t afford to pay my rent but my heart and lungs work.”
quote from a coworker on the cost of living in Seattle and things we should be grateful for
"I don't know which is easier to watch, the sand running out of the hour glass or to simply have it shatter."
“Yeah, I don't know mom.” I said. And was quiet.
My mom when talking about my ailing grandmother Fall 2017
I went home briefly.
Back where the cows stand watching you and a few sheep baa. Where everyone drives reaaal sloooow and no one is in a hurry for anything. Where businesses barely thrive and cars are over-maintained or under maintained. Where I actually forgot how to pump gas with the old school gas pumps and my parents dogs anxiously wait for me to give them a thousand hugs and let them break the rules. Where my mom actually helps with my laundry and cooks me dinner and asks me if i have enough gas money.
I missed listening to rap music and feeling at peace at least for one minute and having at least one person who truly knows me.